Thursday, October 14, 2010

Today is my birthday! 45!

This has been a hard year for me ...I lost my beloved art gallery due to the economy recently.  This has been a horrid death for me...and one that I had seen coming for months before it actually happened.  For a long time I dragged my heels hard saying NO WAY I am going to lose it....then it became inevitable or we would also lose our home.  This was the turning point...and very scary...we were looking at being homeless as well as losing my gallery/business I loved...I have 2 children at home still!  Where would we go?  Where would we put our things?--we had no money for even a storage unit.  How could I lose my home AND my business....I was not dealing well with this stress and seemed insurmountable... still does most times!  At the worst point my family was worried about mom called the police who checked up on me to make sure I wasnt hanging by the got that bad.  I lay in bed and finally made the decision that I would close the gallery fast...and siphon all monies we do have towards the house payment from that moment on.  I called my landlord...we came to an agreement.  I was able to pay 2 months that I was behind..and now we are only 1 month behind...he seems appeased....for now...and I feel such relief that it looks like we wont be homeless.  Still, now I am behind in payments to my artists and bills from the gallery.  It is horrid to have this hanging over my head when I have strived so hard at being timely with all payments and very responsible.  I hate how my artists see me now...they think I am not a good business woman.  I prided myself in my business sense and how well I treated those I worked with.  I was extremely organized and efficient when things were running right....and then when the shit hit the fan...I couldn't keep up with this anymore...not because I wasn't a good business woman...but because I had limited psychological strength for one.  I was down to my very last raw nerve....and 2 , I had (have) no money at this time and cant pull it out of my rump or pick it from a tree...and 3, at the very worst time it could ever happen, my computer crashed with a virus a month ago...right when I was trying to close the books and dismantle the gallery....I absolutely could not believe the timing of that ...if it would have happened just a few weeks would have been not so bad....but it was devastating.  I now have artists that are saying they are missing work and I cannot look it up in my Quick Books and tell them whats up....I am at a loss...and will just have to pay what they ask for...someday, when I have the money!  On top of all this....I am so at loss without my gallery.  It was my life....I looked forward to every day going to work.  I loved it.  I loved everything about it.  It was something to be proud of.  It was beautiful and vibrant and magical.  Its the best thing I have ever done( besides being a good mother to my kids) in my life.  Now, I am sitting home so bored...I dont know what to do with myself.  I  have no energy (depression).  We also have no money...(thus I cant shop or buy a new bra I need or go buy yarn so I can learn to's endless)  When you have no money its bizarre how profoundly this effects you in ways you couldn't even imagine when you had it.  I cant even go swim laps for exercise at the local high school because I don't have 3 dollars.  I also am completely isolated with no car to use.  Although I do have a cant carrry much on a bike...and soon it will be getting cold to ride a bike...and snowy...
I have never been much of a TV watcher...and yesterday I watched two movies in the middle of the day!  UGHHh how boring....and what a bore I have become.  The only good thing about this is I have been taking a long walk everyday...and the weather has been nice..I keep telling myself to notice all the things I wouldn't be doing that are good if I were working 6 days a week like normal.  I keep telling myself not to wallow in self pity and to be gracious. I need to learn to be grateful for all the blessings I do have each and every day.

So, today is my 45th birthday.  I will be making a turkey dinner since I had a turkey in the freezer.  I will start it at around 2:00.  I will try to smile and find the silver lining in things.  Happy Birthday to me!  I included the card my Mom sent me...I think it is perfect for me this year...


  1. Hi Laura,
    I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday! I am hoping that your days ahead will be filled with happiness again as you get back on your feet after this tremendous loss! My heart is aching for you, I have been in your position a time or two or three. Please email me at if you would like someone to talk too!
    Cathy G

  2. happy birthday, laura! sending good karma your way!

  3. Hi Laura,
    It seems my first comment didn't go through. I would like to wish you a Happy Birthday and also send my concerns and prayers your way. If you would like to talk I am a good listener. My email is
    Cathy g

  4. Oh Cathy, I'm so sorry about the turn of events in your life. You are a friend of mine on Rug Hooking Daily.
    This will pass and things will get better. Just a few days ago I was wishing you Happy Birthday on R H D and was hoping that everything was going well for you. Little did I know what you are going through. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better or make things better for you. I care. HUgs. Julia

    Having been through many set backs in my life I know that nothing last for ever and things will get better after a while. It's the adjustment that it take that is hard. So many folks have had terrible set back with this crazy economy that is run by greed.

    Keep your head up high and still believe in possibilities and don't give up. You will emerge stronger than ever. What a nice card from your Mom and Dad.

  5. Dear Laura,
    Even though this is not the happiest of times for you, I want to wish you Happy Birthday.
    I am so sorry to hear about all the problems you have been going through and the loss of your beloved gallery. Our gvt. leaders are saying the economy is on it's way to recovery, but that is now what's happening to us ordinary people!
    My son and his wife have their own small business which is doing OK. They make some money, just not enough. They have finally had to seek out programs to get their utility bills capped and have applied for heat assistance. I don't know which state you live in, but I would recommend trying every avenue to get some financial relief.
    I also understand (from personal experience) how debilitating depression can be. Everything gets so overwhelming that you just do not know where to start.
    My thoughts and prayers will be going out to you!

  6. Laura....the card from your parents is beautiful! I too have been going through some hard times since my mom passed almost 5 years ago. When any of us were having difficulty, she would always tell us to pull up by our bootstraps and get going. Life is change and we have to learn how to roll with it even if we don't like it, but my mom always said, when one door closes another opens! Hang in there and go out and make this your best birthday ever!!

  7. Hello Laura, Just stopping by to offer you a bit of encouragement and wish you a happy birthday. It is very hard to lose everything when you have done everything right. I don't know if it helps to know that you are not alone in this situation, but you are not. We have lost over half of our retirement savings, and at age 60 and 72--I don't think we will be making it up. What can we do? Support and be kind to one another is the only thing I can think of. I will leave you one thought for your birthday--Just when you think you have reached the end; you have found a new beginning. Hang in there and reach out to those who love you. You are not alone.

  8. Laura,

    I wish I lived closer to you to help you out. My prayers are with you that things will look brighter for you in the future. Hang in there. I feel that things will turn around.


  9. Happy Birthday Laura - I'm glad that you're finding a reason and a way to celebrate in spite of the difficulities you're going through. Hang in there!

  10. Dear Laura: As a former business owner, I can tell you no matter how hard you try to please everyone during this hard time, you won't. It just comes with the territory, and it took me at least a year to realize that I just did what I had to do when I closed my doors because of the lack of business (actually, it was two years: one being sick about having to close it, the second recovering from closing it). Everyone's on edge during these bad economic times, and you are being hard enough on yourself already, so try really hard not to let others dump any more on you if you can. Have a good cry, dust yourself off, and go find your next path, and know that you are a good, hardworking person whose only "failing" was running a good business during a lousy time in history. Martie

  11. Happy Birthday Laura! I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Keep your head up. The card your mom got you says it all. I'll keep you in my prayers.
    Peace, Sheri

  12. Laura, I am sorry to read that your gallery has closed ~ we spoke on the phone when you were looking for a rug frame. I was impressed with your enthusiasm ~ and rather than feel like you failed ~ you should be glad that you tried! The one thing you can do for your artists is promise them, that they will get paid ~ and do all in your power to make good on that promise. Hold your head up and take a job doing whatever you can to earn money to pay bills. And make time for your rug hooking or whatever creative endeavor brings you joy! It sounds like right now you're going to have to work hard to get on top of all this! I wish you well ~ your mom's card says a lot ~ read it every day for inspiration! Gratitude ~ being grateful ~ compounds on itself. There was a book about it years ago ~ Simple Abundance ~ that says to make a list every night of 5 things you were grateful for that day. Ending your day with positive thought will help you through the night! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Laura. Don't give up ~ there is a brighter day coming! In friendship, Alice

  13. Dear Laura,
    I want to encourage you despite these trying setbacks to keep on inventing new ways to be wonderfully you! If I can send you anything or help you in any way I'd love to! How about a skein of hand dyed yarn and needles to learn to knit with?
    That's the least I could do! I'll write you on the Mat for your address!
    I've certainly been a zombie in front of the old boob tube myself more times than I care to admit! It is darn hard to be productive when things feel like they are falling apart.
    Be as good as you can to yourself. Reach out to others for help.
    Don't judge yourself harshly. These sorts of times burn off the dross and turn us into pure gold!
    Hugs to you, Wanda

  14. Laura, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Just the other day I sent you Happy Birthday wishes on RHD and said that I hope all is well with you and that I hope someone was treating you extra special that day.
    I had no idea what you were going through. What a nightmare.

    As bad as things are , it will all come to pass and there will be better days ahead. You are a smart woman and I'm sure that after you get through the initial shock of losing you business that you will rise again like the Phoenix and you will have a go at it again. Don't let your dream die. Keep it alive.

    Maybe you can find a way to make money on eBay. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hugs, your RHD friend, Julia

  15. Hello Laura. First of all Happy Birthday! I know I'm a little late but I hope your turkey dinner was good and I'm sure it was!! I am so very sorry to hear of your situation and I know there is nothing I can do but it helps to know that others are going thru the same things and you will get thru this. I am no stranger to depression, it can eat you alive. I hope you are seeing a Doctor Do you have medical insurance? You really do need help right now and anyone would understand. If it wasn't for my faith, I don't know where I'd be today. I've gone thru some awful times also when I thought I'd lose everything but thru powerful prayer and family and friends it always seemed to work out. Not the way I wanted to sometimes but I guess the way God wanted it to. You are in my prayers and hang in there. Keep posting and keep hooking!!

  16. Oh my... well, Happy Birthday seems a bit lame.. as a fellow rug hooker though, if you are currently working on any kind of rug hooking project, I'd say just one loop at a time to give you some direction and focus. Rug hooking won't pay the bills, but it can calm the mind. All this will eventually pass. Best of luck during these trying times.
    dulcy Oh, and hopes for a happy new birthday and year!

  17. We had an extremely difficult time financially a couple of years ago and still haven't recovered completely. Sometimes I feel like we never will. I know how devastating what has happened feels to you. A couple of things that have helped me feel better:

    Most importantly, you are not alone! On one hand, you have friends and family (and all of your blog friends!). On the other hand, there are many, many other people going through the same struggle because of the economy. You are not alone on any level.

    Put your energy into something. Worried about losing my home, I decided it was time to clean out the closets and get organized. I just took one space at a time and eliminated possessions that I didn't really need or use.

    I had wondered what happened to you because you hadn't posted much recently and I was looking forward to watching the progress on your new hooked project. I'm glad you trusted us all enough to reach out and let us know how you were feeling. I hope you feel the love and good feelings from all of us in return.

  18. Laura, your work is beautiful and will stand the test of time. Keep working hard at your artistry and one day soon your light will shine brighter Ü
    This drop in the economy is a temporary thing and hard to adjust to, but art is constant and people will always need to have it, express it, and share it.
    Debra <3