Sunday, February 13, 2011

Thinking ahead for my sewing room

This is from IKEA...Its only 129...and you can add components of 4 at 35.00 a piece as well...not bad..I am going to take the closet doors off and put this in the closet for my fabrics.  I know...I have 6 months before my son moves out of his room....and yes, I still am feeling so sad about this...I am sort of worried that I will sit in this room and just cry instead of quilt. ( But, it isnt the room he grew up in...we have only lived here about 1.5 at least I dont have the memories associated with growing up in this room.)  I am just so tired of the mess in my dining room which is RIGHT when you walk in the front door...we have no entryway.  I dont want to spend too much on this new quilting room because I am not sure we are going to stay in this house.  I am frustrated because I want to move somewhere warmer for US>......but then again, in a couple years I could have a grandchild...and do I want to move away from grandchilren and have them hardly know me?  Or do we just move and have new adventures and see the grandchildren when we do?  Seems odd I am so old...when some of my friends had their children later in life.  I have friends who have 4 year olds!  UGHHH...I am glad that I had my kids young.  Although I still sort of have baby fever...I wonder if that ever goes away?  Probably when I hold my first grand child!  This whole life changing thing is scary and sort of sad....I am trying to make this new chapter in my life an adventure and think of it as exciting and the changes freeing and new!  Yet, all I have ever known it seems is being a mom with children home and the whole family life thing...I realize the billions of women are in my same boat and always have been..all these rights of passages that we are all following just like the moon tides...and yet we all feel unique to it somehow.  Its personal.  How can it not be personal?  I am having trouble with these life changes and not sure how I fit into these new nooks and crannies that seem oddly new...How did I miss that corner?  I was too busy before....look at all the dust.  Life slows and yet lots of things are new and exciting...I have many women to look up to and aspire to be like...those that find new meaning and new adventures later in life.  We dont really grow old until we stop learning and "growing".  I have many things I want to do yet!!....Many adventures I want to have.  I still have dreams.  Yet, when I speak to my family about these daughter especially, says...but what about your grandchildren and being here for them?!  I feel like I am just supposed to stop in my tracks and be there for everybody...slow down to a near crawl and grow OLD!  I do feel the importance of being here for my future grand children...I WANT to be present and I think being a Grandma will be awesome and beautiful!  I am trying to figure out this balance I feel one must have with oneself.  Being adventurous still....and growing older and quieter with the new family life of being a grandparent.  Tim and I have often thought of moving to Italy to live for 1/2 the year in a couple years when our "baby" graduates. 

We have friends that were interested in buying a home together and splitting the time in it...sort of a time share deal only we would each own it together.   Ive spent countless hours dreaming about this.  But then do we want to be so far from family?...Do we want to be away from American healthcare when we are we want to be somewhere we dont speak the language yet.*how easy is it to learn a whole new language when you are older?....etc...etc...Would we be isolated?  It seems all the older people I know including my own parents begin to really love the comfort of home as they age...the security of knowing everyone and everything around you...home...your church ..your store...your neighbors...these things seems to be comforting to almost all older people I know...would we be making it hard on ourselves or having an adventure?  So, most time I think we will just visit ...then come HOME and keep the nest a nest....a nest for the someday grandchildren....a nest for my children to come HOME to and visit mom and should be so lucky right?

Its called Travel ,Laura, right??!  Its also called buying a home right here at home where I have room( and things) for all that I want right here at art studio, a fireplace, a better yard/acreage with lots more trees and landscaping and privacy...everything on one floor--no more steps...and then hunker down and keep the nest a nest for my family.  So much I think about.  One of the reasons I love following other peoples blogs is that it is a glimpse into other's lives that gives me ideas and new ways of thinking about things...and I realized that I am not alone...and we all have so much in common..(at least with the people that I follow their blogs!).  Peace,    sorry I am totally rambling!  TOTALLY.

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